overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
