Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
