I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
