i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
