I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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