So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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