Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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