My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
