OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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