Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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