I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
