is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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