you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
