but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sober January is a disaster.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
