He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
