Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
