I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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