Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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