so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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