i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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