can u get pink eye on your cock?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
