is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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