don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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