shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
