so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
