When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
