i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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