somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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