dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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