ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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