Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
