I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
