Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
one might say we're banned from that church
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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