I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
