You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
