True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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