Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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