there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
