So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
