I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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