Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
