I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
