Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
