Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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