That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
