Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
