im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
