In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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