my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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