you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Acid is not a monday night drug
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
