If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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