were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
