fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
