My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So much rum. So many feels.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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