it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
