She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
love makes seman taste better
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
